How It Ends.
MRSA bacteria are in bed bugs now. So let’s draw some obvious conclusions:
It begins in New York.
- Within five years, 90% of New Yorkers will be sleeping with bed bugs.
- MRSA spreads rampantly, as it remains remains relatively unaffected by current antibiotics.
- The MRSA epidemic is exacerbated each fall as college students contaminate new beds with bed bugs at a staggering rate.
- First, New England is considered a veritable bed bug aerie. Then Florida and Illinois and Ohio and California. Then everywhere. Even Greybull, Wyoming.
Meanwhile, in Asia…
- Thousands of radiation-exposed babies in Japan are born.
- After more natural disasters in Southeast Asia, understaffed hospitals and septic resources lead to another outburst of H5N1 (avian flu). The flu spreads to Tokyo.
- A radiation baby from Gunma contracts the avian flu virus en route to Vancouver, B.C.
The inevitable happens.
- A new radioactive strand of avian flu is discovered and spreads throughout the Cascades.
- Consumers are apathetic to the epidemics in bed bug-infested American cities. Nearly 60% of Americans live with traceable strands of MRSA.
- A resident of Yellow Springs, Ohio, visits Seattle and contracts radioactive avian flu.
- A mutation allows the virus to infect the MRSA bacteria.
The virus-infected bacteria affects the Ohio resident’s brain. A raging fever doesn’t cause much alarm (“It’s just a fever. Besides, we can’t afford the emergency room.”) Within days, he is essentially rendered a bed-ridden invalid. In that bed, the new MRSA virus—as it will become known—is free to thrive.
The spread of the MRSA virus is inevitable: it is airborne. The exchange of bodily fluids also aides in its migration from human to human. First his loved ones are infected, then the postman and garbageman. Then his neighbors and then the entire southern region of Ohio. Then Canada and Mexico and Europe and Japan. And so on.
The symptoms are fairly straightforward. Fever. Loss of appetite. Near-comatose state. Within a day or two: full-on zombie. Slow-walking, brain-eating zombie. The whole shebang.
What I’m saying is: the United States needs a single-payer health care plan.
Related: When the Zombie Apocalypse comes, don’t even bother.
